I scroll through my dash almost completely every day, but don’t post anything.

I fall into these cycles and I hate it every time. Cycles of being busy for a while and unable to be as active as I’d like, or just busy enough that I feel like I can’t start anything or I won’t be able to give the time I’d like to devote to it. Then, when things calm down… it’s always so hard to start back up again. I lose faith in my writing, old insecurities cropping up, motivation stolen by every little thing. I’m not sure what keeps stopping me from just jumping back in. I have at least 4 major plot things in my drafts, nearly all of which were started before Christmas.

It’s not even just with writing on this blog, but everything. My art, character creation, even adult things I’m supposed to be doing like working out my finances, getting a credit card or planning my wedding. It’s very un-Megatron of me. I feel like my feet are trapped, like I can’t go forward, or back to where I was. I’m great at giving other people advice about their problems, but when it comes to mine, I just… shut down, distract myself so I don’t have to think about all the things I haven’t done yet. I don’t know why I can’t just force myself to do things that I need to start doing. I’m still here, Megs is still here, I just wanted to let this out and give a little context for the current lull in activity. 

Anyway, I love all of you guys, and watching your interactions makes me smile even when I’m not involved. Keep being awesome, I’ll get my shit together eventually. ❤

The lights in the sky had been caused by Cybertron itself. The planet was “waking up” with so much activity on its surface again, or so went the most common gossip. Cyertronians of all factions had gathered to watch the dancing lights, not quite hand-in-hand, but gathering without violence and dirty glares in large, mixed groups was a step in that direction. 

While his citizens looked to the skies, Megatron ventured underground, flying down into the Well of Allsparks. The core of their planet, home to Primus himself… much darker than it was meant to be. The warlord glared at the massive chamber filled with pure, unfiltered energon and nothing else. Just being here lit the dark energon in his systems prickling uncomfortably; he could only imagine how it would feel if the Allspark were actually present. 

Reaching up to lay his hand against the metal shell he’d once infected, Megatron growled. It was hard not to see all of this as some kind of cosmic punishment, despite the fact that their ambivalent god had told him otherwise. His optics glowed purple, reacting to his servo on the chamber. “…Without you, I have persevered. I clawed my way up from your depths and fought for everything that I have now. I’ve made mistakes. But now that I must fight for all of Cybertron… those mistakes have left me- all of us defenseless. I will not allow them to die for my mistakes!” 

His servo becomes a fist that pounds against the chamber wall, not even leaving a scratch. “I cannot not fail!” The offending fist goes numb with static and he staggers back from the wall, holding it to his chest. “I cannot… I cannot.” Megatron remains there, in the silence of the depths of Cybertron, until the hopeful lights overhead fade.

Taking it Well

Alone in his quarters, Megatron starts laughing again, but it’s a strange laugh. Hollow and devoid of any joy. “All this time… hehehe, all this time I should have just been leveling buildings! Haha!” He rises from his seat and laughs all the way to his desk, where the matrix sits on the edge. He laughs his haunted laugh as he lifts his pede, placing it against the edge of the table. 

It becomes an enraged shout as his kick sends the desk and its contents crashing to the floor and against the walls. He snarls at nothing and kicks it again, crushing the metal. His chest burns and he doesn’t stop until he’s seeing sparks, forced to lean with one arm against the wall for support. He closes his optics and savors the rending tear of his wound. It doesn’t let him think about anything else for a while.

“… Fine,” he said to no one in particular, gathering up a few datapads and heading down to the medbay. He tells himself that it’s just to keep Smokescreen from drinking high-grade in his condition.

This is a Planet-wide Ordinance.

::The Cybertronian race consists of one species. We will not allow ourselves to fall back into division by clinging to the notion that Decepticons and Autobots are any different from one another. Our allegiance to a specific faction was a decision we made millions of years ago, nothing more, nothing less. It defined the course of our lives during the war, but now that war has ended. Now is not the time to perpetuate our animosity, when at the end of this conflict our planet remains in ruins. If we are to have any hope to rebuild, to become a functioning, peaceful society far greater than the oppressive Golden Age as I know we can, then we are going to need the sparks and minds of Autobots, Decepticons, and non-affiliated Cybertronians to get there.::

::As such, I will not tolerate prejudicial treatment on the part of any Cybertronian! I do not expect resentment to vanish overnight. But as of this message, any act of violence, or refusal of service towards another due to their chosen faction is a punishable offence. Cybertron and its citizens, no matter your affiliations, fall under the duty of your Lord High Protector. I will not allow any threat to our diminished species to stand, and if you act violently towards the Autobots, or towards the Decepticons, or towards those who did not take part in the War, then you will be treated as a threat to us all.::

::Together, and only together, will we rise up from this devastation.::

::Together, we build our future!::

OOC

Slight update to my RP rules page.

This is not in reaction to anyone in particular, but lately I haven’t been feeling a lot of motivation. Megatron isn’t going anywhere, and I lurk on here for hours every day, but I think that to get my RP strength back, I need to give myself limits. So, for now, I’m just going to stick to mutuals. I’m sorry if this rubs anyone the wrong way, but I’m doing what I think will make me more comfortable, and more active.